#engaged

I have to be honest, I’ve been off the radar on purpose for the last year.  Call it laziness, call it signing up to go back to grad school or “I moved into a nice neighborhood with nice people and don’t have anymore bus weirdos to write about.”  You can call it “I got into a relationship and felt weird blogging about someone I actually like,” or call it “I’m really into gardening now and decided to make my bedtime 9:15pm every night.”  Point is, I’ve gone MIA.  Off the map.  Out to the hills.  Far away to Neverland.  Off to the land of Oz.

It’s been weird and awesome all at once, and yet, I’ve missed writing.  I’ve missed my little inner sarcastic thoughts being put to the keyboard and bared for the world to see (what a crazy masochistic freak, you say, and I agree).  So here I am, humbly writing out loud again for the thrill of whatever it is that thrills me.  Probably bacon.

So…news…I got engaged! You are absolutely thinking to yourself, “ugh, another dumb bae with a ring selfie and an obsession with finding her wedding hashtag because #blessed, #engaged, and #oncloudnine.”  I am all of those things, but only on my secret Pinterest board of ideas which range from embarrassing to I’m hiding in a dark closet for the rest of my life (overt romance, puke).

But really, I am totally pumped to marry my boo thang because once upon a time we met on Tinder and somehow it worked so I’m just glad I’m relegated to “respectable couple with three pets” instead of “old maid under thirty with a pet hoarding problem.”

Anyways.  Before he put a ring on it, I also puked at all things wedding while secretly thinking I really wanted it all but would never dare admit it.  But it got me thinking…BLOG MATERIAL, YO.

So here I am, a year later, with my latest series on this whole wedding world everyone always talks about…

And today, I bring you the timeless discussion of the #shamelessringselfie.  The internet is OBSESSED with this one.  So I wondered…what is the point?  Showing off the bling, yes, but also…I don’t know?  I’ve never really understood why an engagement is suddenly an excuse to plaster social media with “I made it” photos of a usually unattractive close up of a hand.  Unless you are a hand model, hands are kind of like feet attached to your arms.  So since most people (me) have fingers that kind of bend in weird places, or nubby nails, or what have you, I guess the ring is supposed to act as a kind of Game of Thrones/Melisandre cloaking device?  Perhaps.  Or maybe it’s just part of the “everyone got to do it before me, now it’s my turn, bitches – and you’ll double like every single photo I post” thing.

Regardless of the why, if I’m being honest, as annoying as the hashtag and lovey doveyness is, I am ALL ABOUT creeping on people’s ring selfies (especially the people I haven’t spoken to since high school and especially when I have nothing to do at work).  It is none of my damn business what type of ring another person has, but oooooo is it good web surfin’ fun.

So when it was my turn to share in the delight of being #engaged, I purposely did no such thing.  SORRY INTERNET, I HAVE A LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH SHARING THINGS THAT AREN’T PHOTOS OF MY DOGS.  Instead, I posted a photo of the two of us smiling with a coded announcement that mainly referred to Tinder’s match making skills and included completely unrelated emojis.

I realize I have to this point deprived Jane Smith from freshman year bio class, whom I haven’t seen in over a decade, the opportunity to critique my sausage finger nubs aloud in her basement while watching reruns of the Bachelor.  And for that, I sincerely apologize.  I am a raging bitch, and I now see the error of my ways.

So, here you go, world (and Jane):  a #shamelessringselfie series we can all get on board with.  Because being #engaged does not mean you perpetually pose in front of a dozen roses, or raise your hand with the hills of the Cinque Terre behind it.  Life with a ring is sparkly, yes.  But you’ve still gotta do the not-so-sparkly shit.

And for those of you wondering how to make that special social media announcement, add these to the mix.  You’re welcome.

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Obvi just doing this b/c I need to blow my nose…
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Dishes! So fun!
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Wedding diet on point.
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Dogs are cute, dogs are fun, dogs also poop like everyone.
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Can you smell that? It’s the scent of success.
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