10 Tinder Deal Breakers

As a follow up to my previous post on my first impression of Tinder (see previous post: So I joined this thing called Tinder), I’d like to now elaborate a bit on my experience thus far.  See, the app leaves almost no trail as to who a person really is, so you’re forced to judge solely on appearance .  First impressions are everything.  I bring to you today a list of immediate deal breakers for yours truly.  Gentlemen, take note.

  1. Vagina Chins – when a guy shaves all hair off his face EXCEPT for his chin.  I associate this look with rapists, porn, and beer guts. Please just shave it off.  It’s not attractive, and you look like an actual vagina with a trimmed section of pubes.
  2. Mirror Pics – I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’d signed up for Myspace.  Just, don’t.
  3. Sunglasses Overload – If I can’t see your eyes, I’m going to assume you look like Gary Busey.
  4. One Picture – You’re either supremely lazy and can’t take two seconds to choose at least a few more pics from your Facebook, or you only have one Facebook photo in existence.  And probably one friend.  His name is Tom.
  5. Profile Pics Void of Humans – Don’t make your first impression one of a bunch of Army bags and a rifle.  Cool, I get it, you’re into that.  That’s fine.  But I’m not trying to get it on with a duffel bag, you feel me?
  6. Profile Pics Void of Real Life Humans – If Dexter is your main image, I’m not even going to take the time to flip through the others.  Because let’s face it, you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Michael C. Hall is a God.
  7. Fish Pics – “Ew, I do NOT want those fishy hands anywhere near my lady parts.”  I rest my case.
  8. Sports Pics – I can’t see your face when you’re wearing a helmet.  Unless I’m planning to wear a blindfold, you can bet that nice sculpted ass that your looks absolutely matter.  Show me a smile babycakes.
  9. Dog Pics – I love my dog.  I’m sure I would love your dog.  What I wouldn’t love is to date your dog.  Beastiality’s really not my thing.  Sorry man.
  10. Obnoxious Workout Pics – Oh how lovely, you can lift over 200 lbs.  Oh, so you’re into crossfit?  I had a friend once that was…oh wait.  I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

That is all.  Please excuse me, I have some swiping to do.


2 thoughts on “10 Tinder Deal Breakers

  1. Im impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog thats both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.

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