10 Easy Steps to Make Your Work Day Awkward

  1. Get hit with explosive diarrhea in the communal bathroom.
  2. Walk the hallways with your skirt caught in your belt, unbeknownst to you.
  3. Play a game of accidental hopscotch with a blind man’s cane, only to get stuck in a straddle position and have it thrust upward into your hoo-ha.
  4. Smile at someone you’ve emailed about a project but have never actually spoken to in person before so they probably have no clue who you are let alone why the fuck you’re smiling at them (note: they haven’t responded to your email in over a week and the due date was last Friday…so that’s a little cherry on top).
  5. Notice someone smiling/waving at you in the hallway, try to remember where you’ve seen them, then just as they’ve passed you, remember where you’ve seen them and say “hello!” loudly to the now unoccupied space to your left.
  6. Leave a meeting and realize your shirt had shifted while carrying your laptop, leaving your bra exposed for every participant at said meeting.
  7. Wear a shirt that you think is cute and classy until you get to work and realize it has a tendency to slide down and make you a certifiable slut instead.  Then realize it was a bad idea to leave the blazer at home.
  8. Take selfies at your desk when you’re bored and realize the higher-up sitting behind you is watching the entire photo shoot occur.
  9. Try to be healthy and eat a salad for lunch and get green shit stuck in your teeth for the rest of the day.
  10. Wear heels you can’t actually walk in and thereby look like you’ve got a load of shit just hanging out in your pants.

TGIF betches. Who wants a drink?


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