I HATE WINTER (A Bitter Reflection on the Side Effects of the Tundra)

WHY IS EVERYONE BUT ME ON A BEACH RIGHT NOW.

Dear Facebook, please make it illegal for happy people to post happy pictures of happy places with happy sunshine and happy white sand and happy palm trees.  Thanks.  Yours truly, Megan.

Seriously.  It’s March 4th and we’re on our second day of snow here in the tundra.  My depression level is getting dangerously high.

I would give any of the following to trade in my fur boots for a pina colada and a big ass bottle of sunscreen (Tanning is a foreign concept to me.  I get more of a pregnancy-like glow in summer):

  • My left nut (I don’t have a left nut.  Or a right one for that matter.  Potato, potaaato.)
  • My Hulu and Netflix subscriptions.
  • Extra pennies laying around in my purse.
  • The Valentine’s Day chocolates in my freezer.
  • Vagisil.
  • Trashy gossip magazines.
  • Picking up my dog’s shit.
  • Popcorn for dinner (yes, I did eat a bag of popcorn for dinner last night…grocery shopping is what I like to call “not a priority”).
  • Having clean underwear (I may or may not go commando for at least a week once my supply runs out.  Some would call me lazy.  I say I’m “open-minded.”).
  • Showering.
  • Spooning Nutella into my mouth.
  • Licking the inside of the Nutella jar.
  • Lube.
  • Bras.
  • Shaving my legs.
  •  Chili powder.

Happy Tuesday everyone.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, it appears it is still “winter” outside (#fuckyouweather).  I have some hibernation prepping to get to (inserts fifth spoonful of chocolate into mouth).

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