Sunday Funday

Weekend update: I am ending the night with Chinese takeout, raw cookie dough scooped into a bowl like ice cream, and Girls Season 1.

I have no regrets and in about 2 hours, I will perform a handful of nightly prayers to will away the FUPA that will undoubtedly arise.

“Dear God,

Please keep my bloat to a minimum and let my pant continue to fit.  And if at all possible, it’d be really great if you could just kind of switch around my genes so that when I eat things like raw eggs and butter mixed with sugar, I’ll lose weight.  But if not, that’s cool too.  Just, like, help me to not eat the entire roll of cookie dough.  Because I’d really like to sort of save some pride.

Oh, and, please help with world peace too.  And hunger.  And all the other things that suddenly seem helluh way more important than my wish to be forever rock star thin and still be allowed to eat whatever I want.

I guess I could probably go to the gym or something.

Okay.  Sorry to bother you.  Catch ya later.”

On another note – did you know that in Minnesota, you can’t buy liquor on Sundays?  Shame, really, because I’m in the mood to devour a bottle of red.  Plus, Jesus totally made wine from water, so purchases should be allowed 24/7.

Oh bullocks, tomorrow is Monday.




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