Somehow, miraculously, I managed to avoid most sweets over the holidays. Not out of dieting or trying – I just didn’t really feel like eating them.
All week, I’ve sat in my cubicle and stared at the growing pile(s) of treats in front of me. Last week, Anna brought in red and green sweet popcorn. I didn’t resist. This week, Katie brought fresh baked Andes mint cookies to us in a snowflake bag.
Me: Oooo! What are those?
Katie: Andes mint cookies. Eat as many as you want! I made them last night and I thought they tasted funny, so I brought them here.
Several have already been consumed. Funny tasting or not, they are cookies and they are calling my name. I don’t even really taste them while they’re sliding down into the depths of my stomach. I get so excited that I’m eating treats that I kind of swallow them whole. Then, five minutes later, I forget about what the cookie tasted like since I didn’t actually taste it, and find some way to justify eating another.
Yesterday afternoon I was bored so I finished off half of my rice cakes (to be fair there were only, like, three left in that package). They’re basically air, so really, it’s like I didn’t eat anything. Except then Katie asked if I’ve ever eaten them with peanut butter. And I thought, “Oh my God, I should eat them with NUTELLA.” And then I thought, “I should buy a whole tub of Nutella and keep it at my desk so I can put in on my rice cakes!”
And then I thought about that. And I came to the conclusion that that would probably not be the greatest move since I’ve been known to eat Nutella by the spoonful. When I lived in France, I dipped uncooked noodles into Nutella and ate it. Gross. Really. I don’t know why I did it. Also, during my freshman year of college, I spent my hangovers watching Grey’s Anatomy and simultaneously dipping a spoon into my tub of peanut butter, then dipping that peanut butter laden spoon into my box of Cocoa Pebbles and crunching and crunching and crunching. I find that eating helps take your mind off the pounding in your skull. That’s actually a myth, but denial is my best friend. So there’s that.
(Unfortunately, the paparazzi caught me on one of my noodle/Nutella binges. It’s just really hard being so beautiful.)
Anyways. Everyone left early from work today, except moi. I had to stay to work on a few things and make up some hours. So there was just little old me and Mount Eat-Me-I-Taste-Like-Clouds. So I helped myself to a York. Then another. And another.
And then I had to unbutton my pants because I couldn’t breathe. So there I was, sitting in the corner desk, pants unbuttoned, breathing like I was in labor. There may have been a few false 9-1-1 dials due to my excessive panting.
The more I think about it, I really should have put “eating” under my hobbies section when I was doing that whole online dating debacle. Honesty is key, right?
Or maybe “can’t stop eating.”
No…”eats for pleasure.”
Um. Nevermind. That one didn’t come out quite right.
- How To Handle A Serious Nutella Addiction (buzzfeed.com)
- This Could Just Be The Most Important Invention Of The 21st Century (buzzfeed.com)
- How to Dodge the Holiday Binge Bullet (tanyasylvan.com)