In Light of the Impending Doom

In light of our impending doom tomorrow, I’d like to discuss my personal highs and lows of 2012.  Perhaps one day some futuristic morphed species that magically survived the end of the world will find this post and think I’m the coolest.  Realistically though, they probably won’t understand my humor and think I’m slightly pathetic (no shame).  My guess is that this post will vanish into oblivion should said end of world come into play, as the internet is merely a figment of the imagination without accompanying technology (I am of course assuming everything will be incinerated.  Duh.).  Anyways, enough of my rambling.

January

High: I took a fabulous trip with the fam to the land of the Frenchies and the Moulin Rouge.  It was grand.  We spent New Year’s under the Eiffel Tower, where I accidentally peed my pants then made out with three random strangers while my little brother looked on in horror and severe discomfort.

Low: After a week, they returned to the fifty nifty United States while I stayed back for another week to visit my lover ex-lover who turned out to have a girlfriend which he decided to wait to tell me about until a week before I was flying to visit.  Cool, huh?  It was awkward on so many levels, particularly when she emerged from his room one morning.  So fun.  As a result, I went off on my own to explore, then returned home single and ready to mingle – and about 10 pounds heavier (I would gladly repeat this last bit, as I am not at all opposed to daily crepes and baguettes smothered in Nutella).

February

High: “Newly single” – see above.

Low: I live in Minnesota.  February requires zero exposure to the winds and therefore, zero flattering clothing.  Nobody knows my waistline exists until about mid-March.  And by then, I’ve over-prepared my body for hibernation, so really, it doesn’t.

March

High: I turned 22! Wahoo!  No longer lumped into the “Oh, you’re only 21?” category (apparently 21 = immature), and yet not too old for the “Hmmm, aren’t you a little old to be drinking that heavily?” category.  Perfection.

Low: It was the halfway point of the semester.  Basically, death.

April

High:1 month to graduation!!!!

Low: Apparently April showers are a thing.

May

High: Graduation!!!!

Low: Oh God, I only have six months of freedom before my loans start kicking in.

June

High: Summer!!!!

Low: OH MY GOD I STILL DON’T HAVE A JOB AND MY SAVINGS ARE GONE AND I’M EATING RAMEN EVERY NIGHT AND MY LOANS KICK IN IN FIVE MONTHS.

July

High: Fireworks!  Brats!  Beer!

Low: Holy eff it’s hot out.  I can’t move.  BUT I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!! Time to celebrate (RE: drink wine in excess).

August

High: ALMOST MOVE-IN TIME!!! So excited for the new place, I think I may pee.

Low: It’s still hot as fuck.

September

High: I’m in my new crib and I’m diggin’ it.  Yo. Word to ya mothaaa.

Low: It’s kind of hot and kind of cold.  I can’t decide whether or not to put in my AC.  #Firstworldproblems

October

High: Finally made the plunge and bought my FIRST CAR EVER! GAHHH!!!!  I love it.  It’s beautiful.  And I shall dub it Merlot.

Low: Woof.  Car payments.  Can I be a kid again?

November

High: Thanksgiving.  Duh.  It’s the one day of the year devoted to eating.  No guilt allowed.  My kinda holiday!  Especially because I got to spend it at a family reunion (see crack-filled chocolate pie).  Nothin’ betta!

Low: My pants don’t fit.  Damn pie.

December

High: Christmas!  I get to eat an inappropriate amount of food again and it’s A-Okaaaay!  Woot woot!

Low: Apparently the world is ending tomorrow.

And that is all.  I hope you see you all on Saturday.   And that you all have a very Merry Christmas.

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