“Megan the Sass Queen” (sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)

Megan the Sass Queen was a jolly happy soul,
With a leapard bra and a sheer nude shirt
And two eyes rimmed round with kohl.
Megan the Sass Queen is an attention whore, they say,
She went out one night, then paid the price,

Was hungover all the next day.
There must have been some magic in that
Wine bottle they downed.
For when they emptied the last drop,

She began to dance around.
O, Megan the Sass Queen
Was alive as she could be,
And her friends all said she could laugh
And play just a little louder than you and me.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Megan go.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Falling face first into the snow.


Megan the Sass Queen knew
The bars were closing soon,
So she said, “Let’s run and
We’ll have some fun
Now before I meet my doom.”
Down to the village,
With her heels in both her hands,
Running here and there all
Around the square saying,
“Catch me if you can.”
She led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop.
And she only paused a moment when
She heard him holler “Stop!”
For Megan the Sass Queen
Realized he was a cop,
So she bat her eyes saying,
“Did I just win a prize,
‘Cuz you’re one sexy beast.”
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Megan go.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Eating late night pizza in the snow.

Unfortunately, most of these things tend to happen when I go out.  I consume just a tad too much vino, dance around and simultaneously sing things like Justin Beiber’s “Boyfriend” in a terrible Russian accent, throw my shoes at my best friends (I still feel bad about that…sorry amigas.  I’m the worst), flirt with cops and/or anyone in a uniform, and eat pizza/McDonald’s/sometimes a combination of both.

In a nutshell, I’m hawt.




(One must embrace the FUPA, for it cannot be denied.)

Style Tip of the Day:

As long as it’s not in a work setting, don’t be afraid to pull a Carrie Bradshaw visible bra look.  Just make sure the bra matches the outfit and that it’s got a stellar pattern – there’s really no point showing it off if it’s just blah white.  I chose a leapard print and paired it with a nude sheer top.  However, to balance the obvious fact that my bra was clearly up for a peek, I made sure my top was a modest cut, buttoned up, and tucked into a bandeau skirt.  I also nixed the bare legs and wore black patterned tights, in addition to a turquoise necklace that covered the area right above the top button.  A hint of sexiness is great – a whole lot of it ensures you’ll be nominated for the Slutmuffin of the Year Award.  And probably win it.

Shirt (Love Culture), Necklace (Target? Kohls? Gah I can’t remember…it’s ancient), Bra (Soma), Skirt, Ring (Forever 21), Tights (Target), Boots (France)


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