This morning, as I was showering, I realized there was a draft of freezing cold air seeping through my window (due to the fact that I explicitly ignored my landlord’s request to close ALL storm windows). I couldn’t shut it because that would mean I’d have had to open the shower curtain, pull up the blinds, then fix the window – all while being completely nude. So I froze in the shower and waited to close it until after I was done and in a towel.
You may think this is a smart move. However, I could have easily shut off the shower, donned a towel, fixed the window, then returned to a cozy and steamy environment. This was not smart my friends. This was pure laziness.
Hand in hand with my shower apathy is my refusal to ever actually get out of bed when my alarm goes off. I set three every morning. Rolling out of bed shouldn’t be a problem. My dog even smacks me in the face and more often than not misses and ends up pawing my boob. But whatever. Point is, when you count him, I have FOUR alarms. And I still sleep an extra ten minutes – minimum.
Now, when you allow yourself to be taken over by laziness, a curious phenomenon occurs: the clock seems to be wrong and time seems to move far too quickly. Sometimes, that means you just can’t get your locks lookin’ as fly as can be.
Should you ever find yourself in said circumstance and are left to “style” hair that’s greasy enough to un-squeak your car door, simply follow the list below. Thou shalt be astounded.
10 Ways to Hide Greasy Hair
- More gel – apparently the “slicked back” look is in…?
- Say you just showered.
- Wear work out clothes (“Sorry…I’m just really fit. It’s a hard life I lead.”)
- Distraction (Wear obnoxiously bright pants…anything to draw attention DOWN. And if clothing isn’t distracting enough, you can always pee. It’s guaranteed to attract.)
- Tease the shit out of it.
And if all else fails, there’s always butterfly clips (I kid. Please don’t. Just…no.)
Or a shower.
Yeah. I’d go with that one.