I interrupt your lazy sunday to update you on my recent communication with Bland Text Man (see previous post: “Hey! What’s up?“).
BTM: Hey what’s up? (Hi – can you maybe try being just slightly more creative?)
Me: Not much, having a lazy morning, catching up on shows. How bout you?
BTM: Getting ready to go to my cousin’s wedding. (I took the liberty of adding an apostrophe and period because apparently BTM is too lazy even for autocorrect.)
BTM: What else are you up to this weekend?
Me: Nice! Getting married in (insert town)? Are you in the wedding? I’m hanging out with a friend from HS tonight, maybe seeing a movie tmrw…not sure! Kind of a low key wknd, which is pretty nice.
BTM: No in (insert town) and not in the wedding. (Your enthusiasm is contagious.)
BTM: That doesn’t sound too bad to me. (No, it doesn’t. Which is why I said it’s pretty nice.)
(At this point we can assume BTM is at said wedding and bored, hence the text.)
BTM: So how was your week!
BTM: ? (Thank you for the correction…I would have been so confused.)
Me: Actually I had a great week. Work was busy – which is good. And a coworker sent a nice note to my manager about my recent work on a project. So I was pretty much on cloud nine!
BTM: Congrats! 😉 (Why are you winking at me? This was not supposed to be flirtatious in any way.)
Me: Thanks! How was your week? (Okay, I’ll play your little game.)
BTM: It was kind of stressful but finished strong. (Oh, thank you for those riveting details.)
BTM: How was your week?
Is this guy for real?! I JUST EFFING TOLD YOU HOW MY WEEK WAS. DID YOU SOMEHOW MAGICALLY FORGET THE 4 SENTENCE “CONVERSATION” WE JUST HAD?
I can’t have a relationship with a parrot. Pass. My dog is a much better conversationalist. Plus, he never disagrees and always wants to cuddle. So, basically, he’s the perfect boyfriend. Other than the small fact that he sometimes steps in his own shit.
Hey – nobody’s perfect.
- how to respond to a guy who invites you on a date and wants you to pay? (ask.metafilter.com)
- Hey! What’s up? (ipreferheels.com)
- My Loser Ex Just Texted Me. Great. What the fuck do I do now? (kellyspeechless.com)
- Truth, Sex and a Midnight Text (derekandjulie.org)
- He Texted (theminorproject.wordpress.com)
- 12 Terrible Pieces Of Text Flirting Advice From The Internet (buzzfeed.com)