I went out dancing this weekend – which meant that I basically spent a solid three hours on the dance floor pretending I was in a Beyonce music video (and that I was Beyonce, duh). Also, I simultaneously sprayed my fellow dancers with my scrumptious perspiration as I whipped my hair back and forth. Don’t worry – it was hot in there. I’m sure they felt refreshed.
Apart from my sexy sweat and slammin’ shimmy shake (you don’t even know), a night under strobe lights enveloped in fog machine smoke and narrated by thumping bass lines requires a fabulous outfit. Because who knows when you’ll meet a sexy god of a man with abs as solid as a brick wall and perfect McDreamy hair. (Then again, if beer goggles and fog are prevalent, you may not want to let lust lead the way. It’s possible that it’s all an illusion. Most likely, he will NOT look as good in the morning. Those sexy freckles may very well be soul-sucking blackheads.) But besides finding a hottie tottie, it’s far more important to look like a goddess because one must become the Diva (capital D) herself or else really, there’s no point. It’s just not as fun. I like to call my particular alter ego “Ginger Fierce” (Ha. Get it? Cuz I have red hair and I’m channeling Bey?! I know, I know, I’m hilarious.)
So as I got ready, enjoying a necessary precursor glass of wine, I threw on a little music to put me in the mood and began my transformation.
Rule numero uno: One must always wear the most curve-flattering and hip-hugging outfit possible (does this really need to be said?). However, make sure to balance the outfit – a tight dress is fine, but if you’re going to wear a skirt like yours truly, pair it with a flowing top to give it definition!
Rule numero dos: Accompanied by said outfit must be (guess) a pair of gorgeous KMDAFM heels (“Knock me down and f&%$ me – I attribute this phenomenal phrase to my grandma, who was called “Gaga” long before “Just Dance” was released. Just saying.). In this case, I chose my suede purple booties (yes, it is OK to mix and match colors – do it!)
Rule numero tres: To top it all off? Why, loads of jewelry of course! Change up your normal go-to necklace and pick a few to layer on top of each other. I chose a 3-layer gold metal necklace and two different pearl strands.
The result has “diva” written all over it.
(Meet Ginger Fierce. Her hobbies include “Z” snapping, kicking ass, and taking names.)
(Check out that ring…it’s what I like to call “gem knuckles.” Like “brass knuckles.” Ha. Get it? Because it’s ginormous and obnoxious and is located in the same place you’d don brass knuckles? Oh my God, my jokes are horrendous today. Woof.)
Oh, and one other reminder – you are a goddess. You are a diva. And you are a woman (I probably didn’t need to remind you of that last one). And as such, thou must always strut and ooze confidence. Your momma gave you those hips for a reason (not referring to child bearing at the moment, although that is also a reason) – so sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-SHAKE EM!
Ole! (What? Why did I just say that?)
- Who’s More Fierce – Rihanna, Beyonce, or Ciara? (fabsugar.com)
- ‘Swap a ginger’ beer ad ruled offensive (nzherald.co.nz)
- Is “Ginger-ism” Growing in the United States? (bellasugar.com)
- FABTV: Beyonce and Shakira “Beautiful Liar” (fabsugar.com)