I’d like to take a moment to offer up a public service announcement.
WEARING CROCS MAY CAUSE IRREPARABLE DAMAGE TO YOUR REPUTATION AND WILL MOST LIKELY ALSO CAUSE A TEN CAR PILE-UP DUE TO THEIR OBNOXIOUS COLOR AND HIDEOUS SHAPE. DO NOT WEAR UNLESS PRESCRIBED BY YOUR DOCTOR OR USED STRICTLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIVITIES: GARDENING, WORKING IN A HOSPITAL (YOU’RE ALREADY WEARING SCRUBS, MIGHT AS WELL TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL), PLAYING (AND BY THIS I MEAN ONLY CHILDREN ARE APPROVED TO WEAR SUCH MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF RUBBER AT ANY GIVEN TIME), OR WADING THROUGH A MUD BOG OR SEWER.
I know, I know, they’re comfortable. It probably feels like you’re walking on clouds. But for the poor souls around you, it feels like Bozo just walzed in the room and is preparing to stage a massive game of “get the bean bag in the bucket.” So, let’s just go ahead and chalk crocs up to what they really are: a ginormous faux pas.
Please, oh please, I beg of you, do not fall prey to their hypnotic fire hydrant hues. Because, though you may think you look like this…
…you actually look like this:
And while we’re at it, why don’t we take a look at just how easily YOUR next Christmas card can end up on awkwardfamilyphotos.com…
They just couldn’t bear the thought of the tiny little nugget in the middle’s crocs going unnoticed. So there they are…sans feet…greener than freaking flubber. Blech.
Moral of the story: avoid, avoid, avoid. Pretend it’s the bubonic plague or something.
Crisis averted. You’re welcome.