It is now officially May. That means warm weather, sandals, skirts and sunshine! It also means an unhealthy dose of humidity, back sweat, swass, and the wonderful side effect known as chafing. If you are unfamiliar with the phenomenon, chafing occurs when the skin from two body parts rub together to the point of irritation, then outright pain. It is what I like to call “Hell Between My Legs.” And no, that is not an indirect reference to incompetent sexual partners. Although it does make for a pretty hilarious identity. Who wants to be known as the guy who was literally Hell between some girl’s legs?
But back to the subject at hand. Chafing blows. If anyone out there disagrees, feel free to correct me. But if you disagree, then your thighs probably don’t touch. Congratulations. Women everywhere hate you. So do their inner thighs.
For the rest of us with curves, you see, chafing is alive and well. Today, as it was a lovely 75 degrees with humidity that would rival the month of August, I decided to wear a nice bright pink skirt and a black tank. I happened to be working an event all day, which means I was a gopher running around getting this and that to make sure everything went off without a hitch. Unfortunately, about 45 minutes prior to the event’s start, we realized that we had misspelled a magazine name on a table sign. So I tailed it back to our office to reprint the sucker.
Now, let me give you a little sense of location. The event was held at our football stadium. My office is located the equivalent of about 8 or so blocks away, or about a 10-15 minute walk. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Except that I was wearing my pink skirt in 75 degree weather. I like to think I’m a pretty smart girl – one who always carries baby powder in her purse to prepare for a case such as this one. But this time, not even a little Johnson & Johnson could ease my dilemma. I ended up stopping 3 separate times to reapply. During a 10 MINUTE WALK. I’m telling you – “Hell Between My Legs.”
Somehow, I managed to survive, although I will be wearing any and all items of clothing that form some sort of a barrier between my thighs for the next week.
So, though I welcome May with open arms, my legs aren’t so eager. Chafing is the worst pain on this earth. Am I being dramatic? Maybe. Am I right? Absolutely. Is it possible that losing weight would remedy the situation? Most likely, yes.
Meh. I think I’ll go dig into my tub of ice cream now.